Just where does an adoptee start when wanting to find birth family members? Although it is often sensitive matter I do advise first asking adoptive parents for what information they might have. If they would have a copy of the adoption decree, some information can be obtained from it. If the adoption was handled by an agency, that is a good place to contact. Often only non-identifying information will be given to you but it never hurts to be persistent and see just what clues a social worker might give you.
By all means register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry. Do use this link and be certain that you are at the ISRR website since there are online registries that could make you think that they are ISRR when they are not. I do not recommend any online registry, especially those requiring a fee. ISRR has been trustworthy for a good many years and many have been reunited through them. I do recommend just registering with them and keeping your contact information up to date.
The Internet mailing lists can be a good resource and I do have one called FamAdopt with Yahoo Groups and another IL-RHBAL with Rootsweb. Check for a local search and support group near you. One might not be listed in the yellow pages of your phone directory since many don't have the funding for the expense of being listed. But if you check your local newspaper often there will be meeting information listed for different support groups, including adoption-related. It never hurts to ask around too. Some adoption support groups meet at public libraries and churches.
State adoption laws do vary. I've found the best way to find a particular state's adoption laws is to Google. (Example: idph.state.il.us is for Illinois) I have found websites where all states are listed but either there are broken links or a link to someone trying to take advantage of the person searching. Adoptions are not always finalized in the same state as the birth took place. But I have known the majority to although often an adoption will be finalized in a different county.
Adoptees are not bound by the adoption agreement. An adoptee never saw, never read, or ever agreed to it. An adoptee who feels secure about the bond between their adoptive parents and their self have nothing to lose to search for birth family. Adoptees who search are looking for origin and the truth as to why they were placed for adoption. It is wise to prepare oneself emotionally for the fact that the end result of a search could be pleasant or disappointing. Birth parents should not feel that they have no right to search. It is true that rights were severed years ago but it was often not what birth parents wanted. I've had birth parents tell me that their son/daughter might not know that they are adopted. Usually a person is aware that they are adopted. Often adoptive parents tell their child at a young age and will often try to make them feel special that they were adopted. After all the adoptee often does not resemble their adoptive parents or any relatives so that can raise questions that adoptive parents often will answer to the best of their knowledge.
Please join in the Illinois adoption reform movement by going to Illinois Open!
